The Horror! The Horror!!!

Right. So I went to the doc today. I was excited, anxious, nervous, I just couldn't wait to see them. Yeah ok um...so the nurse unwrapped my left foot first. The more she unraveled the bandages, the more my heart sank. By the time she was finished, I was holding back tears. My foot looked deformed. It was so narrow (almost an inch in width was taken off my left foot), my big toe and 2nd toe were seperated my a gap (which was supposed to be there...but it was just more than I had imagined), my feet were wrinkled, black and blue, swollen, and my toes looked like some were "sunken in." I looked at my mom and she looked at me with an 'oh no' face...I knew she was thinking what I was thinking. I hoped the right foot would be better. The nurse unwrapped the right foot and I saw some dried blood by the incision as we got closer to the skin. The right one looked a little better...but still narrow (I KNOW it's supposed to be narrow...but I dunno...). Once the bandages were completely off, I was in complete shock. I stared at my feet blankly, so disappointed, so upset that I had given up my old deformed feet for new deformed ones. My nurse and doctor kept saying it was just swelling and blah blah..and I hope they're right. Because of all the shock...we forgot to take pictures. Sorry...you wouldn't want to see them anyways like that. Maybe next week.

I went to get my first get of x-rays. I walked into the room, and my feet starting hurting. The pain kept increasing to the point where I wanted to cry...the pain was worse than when I had the surgery. Then I started getting dizzy...I thought maybe it was just from the pain. Then I started getting light-headed and I started hyperventalating. I told the nurse I couldn't stand and she got me into a chair and called the doctor. I must have been less than 30 seconds from fainting. I was very pale and sweating and just out of it for about 5 minutes out of it. Was it because the removal of the bandages allowed tons of blood to go to my feet too fast like the doc said? Was it the pain? Or was it me in shock from the horror of my new feet? A little of both I think...

They re-bandaged my feet much less than before and told me I could walk on them more. I'm going back next Thursday...after then I can get them wet, and walk in gym shoes. Also, after next week I will start physical therapy-type exercises to strengthen my foot and toes.

So overall....I'm PRAYING that my feet look better next week. :-(

not the best of days...the only good things are that the scar is on the side and the stitches are dissolvable.